Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Network, and I ain't talking about Facebook

"So, do you have a support network?"
"How are YOU doing?"

These questions used to turn me into a pool of  a blubbery Oprah would say, my ugly cry.  I couldn't stop.  Huge tears rolling down my cheek, not being able to breath...that kind of cry.

I have gotten better and not cried so passionately to these questions.  One reason being, is I'm getting help.  I'm not ashamed to say that I'm "talking to someone."  And that's for me.  And it helps. 
But I've been thinking about it more.  The support network thing.

In 2006, before Jonathan, I had an ectopic pregnancy.  It was my first pregnancy, and it ended in a devastating way...being rushed into emergency surgery.  In the days after, I thought I would find a support network through websites and chat rooms.  I tried it for a while, but it all felt so fake.  I never connected with these other women.  I didn't want to share with them, and it all took so much time.  It didn't make me feel better at all.

So now, in search of a support network, I don't think I want to go the "chat room" route.  Nor do I want to do anything that makes me feel unconnected and fake. I know of two different support groups, sponsored by two different Autism organization, that both meet once a month.  I have yet to go to one.  And oddly enough, both are on Tuesday nights, which are the same nights as my weekly team meetings with Jonathan's therapists. 

I've been coming across some other really great blogs written by Autism Moms, like me.  And I've been laughing and crying along with their journeys too.  That brings me comfort.  A lot of comfort. Finding a lot of similarities in situations and frustrations.

One of my resolutions for 2012 is to "be what is missing."  Meaning, if there is something missing in my life, I need to create it.  I'm missing a support network...other families, just like us.  And I know they are out there.  I need to create it.  I need to step out of my shell (and for those that know me well, the thought that I have a shell is pretty amusing).  But I mean...we've been working so hard on getting him help...we're in our new routine...I think it's time for more. To explore more, to learn more, to be more.

When we got our diagnosis, I went to an Autism 101 class.  And the one thing I took away from it was to not overwhelm yourself.  One thing at a time.

I think it's time for the next thing.
I'm kind of excited about it too.

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