Career Aspirations

"When I grow up I want to be Santa Claus.  And I will give presents to all the boys and girls.  And my bedtime on Christmas Eve will be at 6am in the morning.  And I will not die, because Santa does not die."

2014 Santa photo with the family. An oldie pic, but a goodie

That is a lofty career aspiration from my eight year old.  But if he wants to be Santa, I have no doubt that he will be Santa.

He has also wanted to be a yoga instructor, a Doctor, and now most recently, a Dentist.

This past week, he had a dental check up.  He has been going to a Dentist since he was two years old. We have made concessions for him in order to be a positive experience.  In therapy we played Dentist for a month straight before an appointment.  At his appointments, he would cry, scream, and kick.  But of recent he has really gotten the hang of it.

This last visit, he was a rockstar.  A dental patient rockstar.  (there has to be such a thing, right?)

We arrived at 4.  He knew the office closed at 4:30.  When he was called back, he said to the Hygienist, "I'm your last customer of the day!"  He chatted it up with the her.  Talking about the blue cupcake he ate at school for his friend's birthday.  He asked her about her work schedule and if she worked everyday.  At one point she said, "OK Jonathan.  You need to stop talking so I can brush your teeth."

During his check up, he said, "Um Nurse.  There is something I should tell you.  I need pictures of my teeth." The kid was ASKING for x-rays.  So she obliged.  She suggested we do a panoramic x-ray.  And he did great listening and staying still while they did the x-ray.  When the results came back to the computer, he asked me if we could take a picture of it.  He also was really into all the notes she took.  He even got to give me an "exam."

His X-ray.  Kinda freaky

Learning the documentation program early 

So while he was making the Hygienist laugh with his inquisitive and funny dialog, the big man arrived.  The Dentist.

"Dr. T!  I'm so happy to see you.  How was your Christmas?  I got a Lego Fire Transporter!"
Dr T. laughed.  He has been seeing Jonathan for a while  I think he likes the kid.

When Jonathan asked his birthday and license plate number, it was no problem.  They even went to a window to take a picture of his car.  When Jonathan mentioned it was after 4:30, and the office was closed, the Dentist laughed and told Jonathan that sometimes they need to work a little bit over.  And that was OK.  Lastly, Jonathan wanted to make sure he got a picture with his favorite Dentist.  Jonathan said "I want to be like you."

Two Rockstars in one picture!

It was one of the most positive dental experiences.  And the kid was so excited all day to go there.  This was a perfect appointment; years in the making.

I am so proud.  I'm sure this is how Santa's mother feels too.

  

Seperation Anxiety and it is Breaking My Heart

I’m not even really sure what is wrong. 

We’ve been starting our days fine. The normal routine of things.  He’s been asking to take showers and dry his hair with the hairdryer every morning.  He is imitating me.  Even going so far as to pretend to use the curling iron. 

But when we get to school, he gets very quiet and very sad.  He puts on a brave face by looking down and hiding under his hat.  His eyes get wide and he fakes a smile.  He looks like he is going to erupt into tears at any second. 

He asks to go to the bathroom.  He cries there. 

He can’t tell me why he is sad. 

Is it a bully?
Is someone being mean to him?
Is he not feeling well?
Does he not like a teacher he is working with?
Is he just having some separation anxiety?
Is he upset because he is not in control?

I don’t know what the answer is.  No one seems to be able to get an answer out of him. 

But I can’t keep leaving him like this. 

It is breaking my heart.

And yet, once he gets on with his day, he is fine again. 

Something is going on.  I don’t like it. 

I’ve been dropping him off at various activities and schools since he was two.  Why now, in first grade is he having such problems?

And he knows it makes me sad.   He says he wants to do better.  We started a points chart to reinforce him. 

I don’t know if it will work.  We just need to move past this phase.  And hope that is there really is something wrong, he can tell me. 

Time Keeps on Ticking....

He is obsessed with calendars.
Obsessed.
He has my 2013 planner, a 2013-2014 planner I bought for him, my current 2014 planner (that he steals from my purse everyday), and a 2014 Mickey Mouse calendar on his bed.  He sleeps with them every night.

His favorite app on his iPad (next to google maps) is the calendar.  He can flip from year to year.  I glanced over and saw him all the way up to 6250. Ya know, the year six thousand two hundred fifty.  Right around the corner.

Recently he said, "January is going on a trip.  And January will be back in 2015."

He spent a morning with me at work a few weeks ago.  He grabbed my desk calendar and wrote in the days that were missing at the beginning and ending of each month to fill in the weeks (you know from the previous and upcoming months).  He filled the days in for each month.  I love that I can look at that everyday and see a part of him when I'm at work.

I wonder how he sees the calendar.  I wonder what it is about the calendar that bring him so much joy and comfort.

At least I'll never have to worry about knowing what day it is.  He'll always be sure to let me know.

The minute it turned February, he yelled with glee, "It's February!  Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy!"

He filled out Valentine's for his classmates today.  Writing their names in the "to" section and then his name in the "from" section.  He finished 19 for his classmates, and I didn't have to help once.

He is learning so much at school.  He is getting so tall.  He is becoming such a mischievous, independent, and a rambunctious little boy.

If only that calendar could go backwards sometimes.
I'll even take staying where it is for a bit longer too.
It all moves so fast sometimes.

A Headache of a Different Kind

The other day when putting my boy to bed, I asked him to stop working on a puzzle so we could go upstairs and put his jammies on.  He objected a bit, as he does every night.  But I reassured him he can finish tomorrow. 

Up the stairs we went.  We finished out nightime routine of washing up, brushing teeth, putting on jammies and reading two books.  As we were moving on to the final step before turning on music and going to sleep, which is getting a small cup of water, I turned around.  He was in tears.  Sudden.  Abrupt.  Makes your heart hurt, tears. 

I asked him what was wrong.  He couldn't answer.  Between the hyperventilating, all he could say was, "Nap." Nap is his description for "I'm sad and need a break."  So I took him back to his room and hugged him as tight as I could.  He was sad about something.  I couldn't figure it out. 

When he settled down a bit, I asked him again why he was sad. 
"I'm sad."

I know.  Is it school?  Is it friends?  Is it Mommy and Daddy?

"No.  Take a nap."

Tears again.

Mike came in to see what was up. 
"Jonathan, does your belly hurt?  Does your head hurt?"
Jonathan pointed to his head as the area that was causing him the discomfort. 
But this cry was not one of pain.  It was one of being sad.  He would stop crying, and then start again a few minutes later. 

Jonathan wanted me to write him a book.  He dictated it to me.  It was called "Jonathan is Sad."
It didn't provide much info, except "I crying.  I take a nap.  Mommy does breathing.  We will do yoga tomorrow.  The end."

So I tried again after about a half hour of on and off crying. 
"Buddy, what hurts?"
He pointed to his head.  Something in his head hurt. 
Could it be his brain?  Like something was left un-done?

"Buddy, do you want to go downstairs and finish your puzzle?"
"YES!"

We went downstairs and he finished the puzzle.  He looked at his finished piece, smiled and said, "OK.  Now we have water and go to bed."

His head hurt, because something was left undone. 
And it broke my heart. 
Little things, like an unfinished puzzle, can weigh so heavy on him. 
Sometimes we need to slow down; listen to hear what he is trying to tell us. 

Autism: A Day with the Experts

We are so lucky to live in Madison.  Not only for quality of life here (yes, even in the winter), but also it is a wonderful place on the cutting edge of Autism research, outreach and information.  And not but 15 minutes from our house is the Waisman Center, UW-Madison.  They do so much for children with disabilities as well as Autism.  This is where Jonathan received his official, medical diagnosis. We also participated in a research study there for language.  Today they, and the Autism Society of Greater Madison, hosted their Eighth Annual "Autism: A Day with the Experts".  And I seized the opportunity to go.  (I mean, 15 minutes from my house, for crying out loud!)

The event was billed "Participants will learn about some of the latest advances in autism research, and will hear firsthand from a panel of experts - individuals diagnosed with ASD and their families."
Here is my quick rundown (and you can check out the event's link above for more info)

- Andrew Alexander, PhD spoke about the brain and reading MRIs, and the research in the differences between typical people and those with ASD.  It looks like there may be some true differences, with high success rates in reading their research of these differences.  There is the potential to use this (the MRI / brain scanning) as a way to assist diagnosing ASD.  However, it seems like much more research needs to be done.

- Leann Smith, PhD, a family researcher, spoke about transitioning together as a family when your child reaches the age of adolescence.  While this scares the living bejeezus out of me (Jonathan in high school?!  Jonathan as a teen?!)  it was very interesting to hear about the levels of stress parents have when parenting children with ASD (higher levels than those with children with any other disability!)  And, how not only does the child need to be serviced, but the whole family is affected and could use support. Also, I learned how little support there is for those who leave the school-system and enter adulthood. 

- Linda Tuchman-Ginsberg, PhD spoke about evidence-based practices, and how they best work with your child.  This means a whole team effort, as well as a full understanding, support and follow-up with teachers following IEPs, clear IEP goals, etc.

- Lastly, there was a panel, which included 2 people with ASD (one a recent high school grad with Asperger's, and the other a 54 year old man, who was diagnosed in his 30s), 2 siblings (one a fifth grader with an older brother with ASD, and a 20 year old with younger brothers with ASD), a Grandmother and a Father.  Lots of great insight, especially coming from those with ASD, who so eloquently spoke from their first person perspective.

Personally, one of the most interesting things about today was looking around the room and seeing what a diverse crowd had attended this event.  And that was more evident at lunch in the interesting people I had the privilege of sharing a table with.  I met an Occupational Therapist who works with many kids with ASD.  A young twenty-something who has a 6 year old brother with ASD, who wanted to learn more so he could better help his sibling, as his parents were doing nothing.  A couple, that lives 2-plus hours away, that have two sons on the spectrum and were just searching for support and research information.  And a gentleman who I think works in nutrition (we discussed food and the gluten-free diet).  In the seminar, I sat next to a woman who is a social worker, servicing more and more children with ASD.  All of us have people with ASD in our lives.  All of us wanted to learn more.  And really, there is still SO MUCH MORE to learn, and discuss.

I'm really glad I took the efforts to go today.  Another example that we really are not alone.  We all share similar journeys.

When I got home, Jonathan had a make-up therapy session.  Since this is not typical in his weekend routine and usually I am not home during therapy time, he really wanted me to be with him.  He would yell, "Mommy, downstairs!"  So I was able to join him and his therapist in the 2 1/2 hours of ABA therapy today.  And while I had plenty of other things to do, I was so glad I was able to be with my boy and watch how much he has improved. I had a blast with him and his therapist.  It was a good refresher for me in my appreciation of all of those that are helping our boy.

Feeling much gratitude for today.  (but I am beat.  ha!)