A Headache of a Different Kind

The other day when putting my boy to bed, I asked him to stop working on a puzzle so we could go upstairs and put his jammies on.  He objected a bit, as he does every night.  But I reassured him he can finish tomorrow. 

Up the stairs we went.  We finished out nightime routine of washing up, brushing teeth, putting on jammies and reading two books.  As we were moving on to the final step before turning on music and going to sleep, which is getting a small cup of water, I turned around.  He was in tears.  Sudden.  Abrupt.  Makes your heart hurt, tears. 

I asked him what was wrong.  He couldn't answer.  Between the hyperventilating, all he could say was, "Nap." Nap is his description for "I'm sad and need a break."  So I took him back to his room and hugged him as tight as I could.  He was sad about something.  I couldn't figure it out. 

When he settled down a bit, I asked him again why he was sad. 
"I'm sad."

I know.  Is it school?  Is it friends?  Is it Mommy and Daddy?

"No.  Take a nap."

Tears again.

Mike came in to see what was up. 
"Jonathan, does your belly hurt?  Does your head hurt?"
Jonathan pointed to his head as the area that was causing him the discomfort. 
But this cry was not one of pain.  It was one of being sad.  He would stop crying, and then start again a few minutes later. 

Jonathan wanted me to write him a book.  He dictated it to me.  It was called "Jonathan is Sad."
It didn't provide much info, except "I crying.  I take a nap.  Mommy does breathing.  We will do yoga tomorrow.  The end."

So I tried again after about a half hour of on and off crying. 
"Buddy, what hurts?"
He pointed to his head.  Something in his head hurt. 
Could it be his brain?  Like something was left un-done?

"Buddy, do you want to go downstairs and finish your puzzle?"
"YES!"

We went downstairs and he finished the puzzle.  He looked at his finished piece, smiled and said, "OK.  Now we have water and go to bed."

His head hurt, because something was left undone. 
And it broke my heart. 
Little things, like an unfinished puzzle, can weigh so heavy on him. 
Sometimes we need to slow down; listen to hear what he is trying to tell us. 

Change is in the Air

Our little blog received a bit of love from blueridgeoutdoors.com.  And after realizing it had been since May since an updated post, I knew I was woefully behind.

But what to write about?

Our family seems to be in that in between time.  That time where you know change is going to happen soon.  You can see it coming from down the road.  There is nothing you can do to stop it.  You have to just wait and enjoy the ride.

I felt this when I was pregnant with Jonathan.  When we were getting ready for our big move to Wisconsin.  And now again.  This time.... Kindergarten.

Our son has been attending the same preschool since we have moved to this area.  He was 2 1/2 when he started.  He will be six at the end of this month.

We've been preparing for a while.  We had his IEP (Individualized Education Program) worked out with the school system in March.  We've meet teachers and educators at the school.  We talk about "big school" daily.  He knows the first day of school date.  He knows some friends that will also be there.

But he also thinks we will only be visiting Kindergarten, getting back into the blue car, and going to his current classroom at the preschool.

It is getting close to the time I need to write the official social story about "big school."

I've been purchasing the school supplies, noted off the cryptic list his school sends out. Yesterday, while at Target, everyone and their mother were in my way, down each aisle, while I tried frantically to figure out which pre-sharpened pencil brand I needed to purchase.  (Seriously, a family had three generations buying school supplies were in my way!)  I wanted to run in tears.

How can he be this big for school supplies already?  He is no longer a baby, toddler or tiny tot.  He is a school-ager.  He is tall.  He looks like a big boy, with his missing front tooth.  His clothes size no longer match his age, but rather are marked as small, medium or large.

And I worry.   I'll always worry.  It is the unknown that scares me the most.  Will be make friends?  Will other kids like him and be as patient with him as his preschool peers?  Will he be able to keep up to academic expectations?  Will he like school?  Will he like his teachers?  Will his teachers get him?  Will he always be so innocent and lovable and affectionate?

But I need to remember...this is not about me.  This is his journey.  I'm only there to gently guide.  It doesn't make it any easier, does it?

Big Boy walking our neighbor's dog.  What a good helper!

List-mania!

This past week was a bit rough.  Since Jonathan was sick the previous week, getting back into the routine was hard for him. But we found he really liked and relied on mini "to-do" lists we started making for him.  Like, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY liked them.

We have a morning routine list:
Potty
Ipad
Potty
Brush Teeth
Get Dressed
Ipad
Eat
Calendar
Put on Shoes and Socks
Blue Car
School

We have a night time routine list too.  (I won't bore you with that one, but it is pretty similar to the morning one).  

We would write them on little scraps of paper.  He really enjoyed crossing off the items he accomplished and recap what he did.  "I all done potty!  Good job!" for example.

School and therapy used lists too.  At school they have a mini dry erase board.
So I picked one up, in anticipation to do away with the scrap paper.  He was giddy when I gave him the dry erase board.  Simply giddy!

So this whole weekend, that board followed us.  On our errands, in the stores, on walks, even tucked in with him in bed.   At first, I tried to have him leave the board in the car when we went to the store.  But he really wanted to bring it, so I said fine.

While at World Market, he decided to settle in, and start writing too.

It got even more complex as the weekend went on.  This morning, I went upstairs, and discovered he had started writing a list on his own.  He asked for some help on a few words, but he mostly wrote it all out himself.

"Pootty."  We got a laugh at that.  I only wrote 2 of the items.  He did the rest.

Dude was spelling!  My 4 year old was totally spelling!  We also did a list to go for a walk to the park.  He didn't ask to go, he just started spouting off the steps to go to the park.
"First potty.  Then put on the shoes and socks.  Then walk in the wagon.  Then we go swings.  Then we go slide.  Then we go walk in wagon.  Then we go home!"

As tedious as these lists can be, I can see his comfort in knowing what is ahead.  We can add things to the lists that he doesn't like (ie, take medicine), but he can see there are more desired items after, and we keep going.

I better go.  "Potty" is coming up soon on his current list.  And you never want to miss that one.